On 24th December I connected with one of my childhood friends after more than 10 years I think.
I was so happy and blessed Facebook as it helps you connect with your friends.
It was a good 15 mins conversation where I enjoyed reliving the moments of childhood when my friend said something which just uncovered a deep wound. He teased me with a name(something that they used to call me) and I felt sad, dirty, angry and all the worst feelings in a second. Instead of saying what I felt – I thought we connected after so long – why spoil it.. Leave it… I wished him Christmas and we laughed about other things and ended the conversation.
Honestly, I did not let go.
That word – that name – that voice kept repeating in my head and kept making me feel bad and recollect all the memories which I hated. It’s been 5 days now. I wondered all the questions related to why me and where I went wrong.
I am done pitting myself and feeling bad for others having fun at the cost of my happiness so I decided to do something about it. Just because I never wanted to hurt anyone I have let people walk over me and behave the way they want with me. I told the friend that I do not like being called by their name and would want him to stop doing that in the future if he still wants to stay in touch. Trust me it felt so much better and free in a way.
I am sure you are surprised why am I writing about this and telling you all, it seems such a small thing. Here’s a little secret I wanna let you in on – I should have said it 20 years ago. It took me 20 years to stand up for myself and say – Hey I don’t like it.
This new year while you are busy planning parties and goals and resolutions I want you to just take a moment to peek within and see if there is something that you hate that is hurting you but you are doing it for others. It took me 20 years to understand that people who know that it hurts and still keep repeating their actions are not worth it.
Stand up for yourself – If you are a woman then remember patience is your strength as well as an enemy at times and If you are a man then know this – doing something you don’t like may seem like strength but saying and standing up for your wishes is better than just having the strength to bear.
Love yourself – Put yourself first – Choose the right people in your life this year…. Let go of those who don’t matter…. Everyone doesn’t matter.